Friends
So I have friends. I guess a lot of people can relate to that. Good for you. I have always wondered what the exact role of a friend is. They are there for you, right? You are there for them. In the end it is just one big happy, huggy, fucking friendly affair. It doesn't work like that. In the end it is just a parasitic relationship. Everyone needs something from something else. Friendship is just a civil way of saying you have the something of need. I will build this facade of friendship to hide my true life sucking need for you. I cannot live with out your affection, your support. I need you.
The worst part about it is that this is the truth. So then, we have these friendships. In my experience, which hasn't been the best, I have either taken or given more than I should have. So this leaves me feeling bad about them in general. Learning from my mistakes I try and balance this out. Living in a brand new town I have tried to gain new friendship with an eye towards my mistakes and how to avoid these again. My conclusion is this: I am an unfriendly person that people just don't want to hang out with. Now to support my claims.
I am not a depressive person. I am not trying for pity or any other emotion. I just want to establish my stance on friendship. So here goes. The phone. This is an instrument used to communicate between anyone, not just friends. Well I that is just the case for me. I communicate with everyone else besides friends. I like to think of them as friends so I call them. I don't see the point in sitting around wanking about a lack of calls from friends. So I call a lot. It is interesting how I hardly get through. I leave messages but to no avail. So sad. So then I am pacing, waiting responses from my friends. We both need each other. What would life be like with out friends? Right? Bull. Friends are just there when they want to be. When it is convenient for them. So I guess I have bad friends. Nope. That can't be right. Can't put the blame on them. So it must be me. I am unfriendly.
Since my friends don't want to hang out with me, I must not be very friendly. I have burned some bridges eh? Well I thought that friends told each other these things. Like, "Hey friend, you burned that bridge. I don't think that was very cool." This would be easy to deal with. "Oh shit. THAT bridge? Well I know now about the importance of THAT bridge. I will not bring matches around that bridge anymore." Communication. Something which I don't see very much.
In the end I guess it has got to be something in me. My personality. I see beautiful "friendships" all the time. I must conclude that I myself have failed at making friends.
The worst part about it is that this is the truth. So then, we have these friendships. In my experience, which hasn't been the best, I have either taken or given more than I should have. So this leaves me feeling bad about them in general. Learning from my mistakes I try and balance this out. Living in a brand new town I have tried to gain new friendship with an eye towards my mistakes and how to avoid these again. My conclusion is this: I am an unfriendly person that people just don't want to hang out with. Now to support my claims.
I am not a depressive person. I am not trying for pity or any other emotion. I just want to establish my stance on friendship. So here goes. The phone. This is an instrument used to communicate between anyone, not just friends. Well I that is just the case for me. I communicate with everyone else besides friends. I like to think of them as friends so I call them. I don't see the point in sitting around wanking about a lack of calls from friends. So I call a lot. It is interesting how I hardly get through. I leave messages but to no avail. So sad. So then I am pacing, waiting responses from my friends. We both need each other. What would life be like with out friends? Right? Bull. Friends are just there when they want to be. When it is convenient for them. So I guess I have bad friends. Nope. That can't be right. Can't put the blame on them. So it must be me. I am unfriendly.
Since my friends don't want to hang out with me, I must not be very friendly. I have burned some bridges eh? Well I thought that friends told each other these things. Like, "Hey friend, you burned that bridge. I don't think that was very cool." This would be easy to deal with. "Oh shit. THAT bridge? Well I know now about the importance of THAT bridge. I will not bring matches around that bridge anymore." Communication. Something which I don't see very much.
In the end I guess it has got to be something in me. My personality. I see beautiful "friendships" all the time. I must conclude that I myself have failed at making friends.
posted by Geoff at 3:54 PM
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